News Vérité

Three days into the war with Iran and President Trump is sullen, refusing to talk to reporters, and clearly freaked out that matters aren’t going his way in Persia. He thought that, by now, he could find the Iranian equivalent of Venezuela’s Delcy Rodriguez, the VP “turncoat” to Nicolas Maduro who is now running things to the beat of Donald Trump and crew in the South American nation. What a frustrated Trump is suffering from I’ve labeled “Turncoat Derangement Syndrome,” or another form of TDS, now virulent in many forms in the White House. (A little over a week ago, Trump succumbed to another TDS — Tariff Derangement Syndrome — when the Supreme Court stripped him of willy-nilly authority to raise tariffs whenever he saw fit, for whatever reason.) On the flight back to D.C. aboard Air Force One, Trump stayed locked in his cabin, not interacting with reporters. Deboarding Air Force One, he was still sullen and didn’t interact with reporters; the same happened when the Marine One helicopter landed at the White House. Shouts of “find my Iranian Delcy” could be heard emanating from the Oval Office as the president huddled with aides after his return from the

Watching BBC News, I was reminded during an interview with an Israeli pundit, who had previously predicted the Iranian onslaught that began yesterday, of just how fickle Donald Trump can be. He said that Trump, maybe within four days — pick a number, he added — Trump might totally reverse course and call for a truce and ceasefire. This would, of course, run counter to the desires of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who sees the dismantling of the Iranian regime and firepower taking weeks, not days. Whoever this BBC pundit was, he was referring to the gentleman we all know as President TACO — Trump Always Chickens Out. With the news today that three U.S. service personnel have died in Iranian counterstrikes, Mr. TACO may be mapping a strategy. “I’ll give them two more days,” this version of Trump might be saying to himself, referring to the Israeli masterminds behind this military action. At any rate, my prediction is that our beloved TACO will resurface by Wednesday. He may call for a cessation of military action while he and his people pursue renewed talks, but I don’t envision this war lasting weeks, as Bibi wants. Son-in-law Jared Kushner to

Food prices are up 10 percent since Trump 45 left office. Now, almost all of that can be attributed to Joe Biden, but when Trump 47 claims to have licked “the worst inflation in history,” two truths stand out: 1) Nixon-Carter inflation was worse than Biden’s, and 2) Other than egg prices, food prices under Trump have either stayed the same or risen, and risen considerably when it comes to beef and coffee. Therefore, Mr., Mrs., and Ms. America — and the “he, she, it, and they” versions as well — when you go to the grocery store, load up on eggs. You will enjoy your newfound egglicious diet, and your pocketbook will thank you for it.

Maybe those highly favored Canadian hockey players, fresh from a shocking defeat by Trump USA in the Winter Olympics, may be the first in line. Canada now offers instant assisted suicide. You may have to wait weeks to see a doctor, but the Grim Reaper is at your beck and call daily. The country’s assisted extermination system, known as Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD), has become one busy little beaver, er, grave digger. The Chief Coroner’s Medical Assistance in Dying Death Review Committee in Ontario Province recently revealed how death on demand works — and works quickly. Just-released 2023 statistics for that province alone show that, on average, 65 people were euthanized the very same day they requested it, while another 154 bit the bullet the day after applying. That’s about 200 dead on demand in 24 hours in just one province. Not bad for a medical system that can make you wait weeks or months for life-saving surgeries or treatments, forcing Canadians with money to come spend it on medical services in hated Trumpland. Catch this: Before 2021, you had to wait a whopping 10 days for the Reaper to see you, but that year, the Canadian Parliament passed

In a stinging rebuke to President Trump following his 2026 State of the Union Speech, the Supreme Court ruled that presidential speeches longer than 30 minutes defy the authority granted under Article 2 of the Constitution. The vote was 9-0. “Despite 1st Amendment free speech rights, the U.S. Constitution severely limits a president’s authority to bore a nation to death,” the unanimous ruling stated. “Speeches longer than 30 minutes violate the citizenry’s rights to ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’. For two hours, no one without a streaming service was able to pursue any form of happiness if he or she did not like being subjected to a one-hour-forty-seven-minute rant full of lies, damned lies, and statistics [thank you Mark Twain].” Trump immediately vowed to disband the Supreme Court, calling the justices all traitors. He also immediately scheduled a nine-hour speech and defied the nation’s network and cable television channels from not airing it. “I will lay forth every fact proving that America is the hottest nation on earth,” Trump vowed. “Nine hours might not be enough, but don’t dare change that dial!”